The moment a woman finds out that she and her husband are expecting, her life changes. For Gale Fitts, her life would change in more ways than one.
Our medical treatment of laboring mothers has culminated into a family friendly environment during delivery. This was not the case, however, thirty eight years ago when Gale experienced a deep and painful loss. When society tried to force Gale to forget her children, Gale relied on God even more to help her remember her son and daughter.
As I read her blog which unfolded into her remarkable faith in God through not just one tragedy, but two, I knew her courage had to be shared! I am honored for you to read her story and to follow her blog. She has a unique ability to listen to God and to apply his word even in the midst of a difficult time. Gale has used her struggles to help other bereaved mothers by releasing balloons to memorialize lost children. I am so pleased to present her story!
Gale Fitts Our medical treatment of laboring mothers has culminated into a family friendly environment during delivery. This was not the case, however, thirty eight years ago when Gale experienced a deep and painful loss. When society tried to force Gale to forget her children, Gale relied on God even more to help her remember her son and daughter.
As I read her blog which unfolded into her remarkable faith in God through not just one tragedy, but two, I knew her courage had to be shared! I am honored for you to read her story and to follow her blog. She has a unique ability to listen to God and to apply his word even in the midst of a difficult time. Gale has used her struggles to help other bereaved mothers by releasing balloons to memorialize lost children. I am so pleased to present her story!
I was 24 years old and very happy about giving birth to our first child any day now. Then I heard those words no mother ever wants to hear. The doctor could not detect my baby’s heartbeat. He ordered x-rays because this was in 1975 and we had never heard of an ultra sound. The doctor called us at home that night explaining that the x-rays showed nothing wrong with our baby. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but ordered us to report to the ER the next morning with my bags packed.
I was a wreck worried that my baby was in grave danger. My in-laws came over that night and cried with us. I remember this new show was on TV called, Happy Days. Well, my day wasn’t happy at all. I could feel my baby moving, but my MIL, who was a retired RN, explained to me that I needed kicks. What I was feeling was my baby floating around.
They left. After many tears together, my husband went to bed. I went too, but could not sleep. I got up and went back into our den to sit in my rocking chair my husband had surprised me with a few months after we learned we were expecting. I sat in that chair, tears flowing freely, rocking my baby in my belly. I prayed like I have never prayed before. I believed in Jesus. I had read the Bible and knew how much he loved the little children. I could picture in my mind Jesus sitting with all the children around him. I had seen that picture in my Bible so many times. I prayed with every fiber of my being for Jesus to save my baby. The doctor would not be giving us a definitive answer until the morning. The rocking, the tears, and the praying that was put forth that Tuesday night continued for hours. I was certain that Jesus could save my baby. I begged Him to do so in my prayers. Then I heard these words in my mind. “I will not save your baby this time.” That was all I heard. I wasn’t angry, but instead very somber. I knew that it was the way it was. Nothing was going to change the situation now.
After three days of labor, on Friday morning May 2, 1975 at 11:00 AM, our first son was born still due to a true double knot in his umbilical cord. I was thankful that we could see the reason so the autopsy wouldn’t have to be done. I was also crushed that I was not allowed to hold my 7 lb 8 oz son. He was just whisked away.
The weeks and months following my stillbirth were a total nightmare of grief. Many gifts of flowers, cards, meals, and visitors came pouring in at first. They were all wonderful, but I could not be consoled. After the funeral, which I did not get to attend, I was told to "never speak of my baby again", "it was for the best", "something was probably wrong with him anyway", "God doesn’t make mistakes", "I was young and would have other children", and "God needed another angel and it was time to move on". These comments were said to me within days of giving birth. I didn’t believe any of them. In fact, they hurt and caused more grief.
In essence, no one grieves quietly. I had my out bursts of being angry, crawling in my baby’s crib and crying the morning away. I was so lonely. My arms were aching to hold my son. My motherly instincts were in full force. Grief was over-whelming. I wanted to crawl under the covers and die so I could be with my son.
I kept remembering the words I heard from Jesus the night before I went into the hospital. I will not save your baby this time. What did it mean when He said, this time? If my son was dead, surely He wasn’t talking about him! Would I have a baby in the future that would be near death and need Jesus to save him or her? I did have a daughter 7 years later that was stillborn on May 31, 1982. Reita Gale wasn’t spared. One of my rainbow sons had an accident on his bicycle when he was just 7 years old. He survived with minor injuries. Was this the save? Perhaps it just had to be my second rainbow son that was born with the umbilical cord around his neck twice. This had to be it! I was sure of it!
Yes, since his birth in 1982, I had believed this was the save Jesus was talking about. That is until this morning. During my morning prayers, I asked God to forgive me for having my mind so focused on my son’s 38th Heavenly birthday, yesterday, May 2, 2013. Then it just popped into my head what “the save” really was! I wasn’t thinking about it nor had I asked God about it. As soon as I said, “forgive me”, the answer was revealed.
That night back in 1975, Jesus had already saved my son by dying on the Cross so that my son would have eternal life in Heaven with his Heavenly Father! James Collins, Jr.’s soul was saved by his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He was already in Heaven without ever having taken a breath on earth. Jesus meant that He wasn’t going to save his body for me to have my son on earth.
How could it be that I didn’t see this simple answer before? I like to believe that God gave the true answer to me at this special time, as I celebrate my son’s Heavenly Birthday this week. I praise God for His Son, Jesus. He really is our Lord and Savior. If he had not died on the Cross for all of our dirty sins, big or small, then we would not have the promise of eternal life. My stillborn babies have eternal life.
They didn’t grow in my womb for nothing. God has them in His loving arms just waiting to hand them over for me hold when I get to Heaven. I can just see in my heart the love and tears of joy when this happens.
Gale ~ releasing balloons! Yes, since his birth in 1982, I had believed this was the save Jesus was talking about. That is until this morning. During my morning prayers, I asked God to forgive me for having my mind so focused on my son’s 38th Heavenly birthday, yesterday, May 2, 2013. Then it just popped into my head what “the save” really was! I wasn’t thinking about it nor had I asked God about it. As soon as I said, “forgive me”, the answer was revealed.
That night back in 1975, Jesus had already saved my son by dying on the Cross so that my son would have eternal life in Heaven with his Heavenly Father! James Collins, Jr.’s soul was saved by his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He was already in Heaven without ever having taken a breath on earth. Jesus meant that He wasn’t going to save his body for me to have my son on earth.
How could it be that I didn’t see this simple answer before? I like to believe that God gave the true answer to me at this special time, as I celebrate my son’s Heavenly Birthday this week. I praise God for His Son, Jesus. He really is our Lord and Savior. If he had not died on the Cross for all of our dirty sins, big or small, then we would not have the promise of eternal life. My stillborn babies have eternal life.
They didn’t grow in my womb for nothing. God has them in His loving arms just waiting to hand them over for me hold when I get to Heaven. I can just see in my heart the love and tears of joy when this happens.
Gale Fitts is a wife and mother of 4 children, two which live in Heaven. She also has a wonderful daughter-in-law and is a Grammy to 3 precious grandchildren.
Gale is a retired teacher. Her blogs are
http://fittsiesangels.blogspot.com and
http://fittsiesbabyangelbirthdayballoons.blogspot.com.
You should visit her website for details on how she can help lend hope and healing to you as she releases balloons off the east coast in remembrance of your little angel. This is a ministry that Gale has created and prays that her actions can comfort bereaved families, just as she has grieved.
Gale is a retired teacher. Her blogs are
http://fittsiesangels.blogspot.com and
http://fittsiesbabyangelbirthdayballoons.blogspot.com.
You should visit her website for details on how she can help lend hope and healing to you as she releases balloons off the east coast in remembrance of your little angel. This is a ministry that Gale has created and prays that her actions can comfort bereaved families, just as she has grieved.